oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
