i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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