I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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