i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
