You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
