At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
