he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
