New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
