Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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