Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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