Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Houston, we have a squirter
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
