i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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