god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize