just survived the first fart of the relationship.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
