its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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