there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
