She tied me up with her honor cords...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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