I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
