well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
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Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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