Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
