You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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