how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
