Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
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When did angry sex become our thing?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
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