Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
