I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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