What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
This is my gift to your gina
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
