Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i believe in u and ur pee
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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