i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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