my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
