You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
