i need an iv and a liver transplant
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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