brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
