fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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