I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
