now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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