alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
