reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
