I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I wish I only lived at night.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
