It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I looked at my own cervix.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
