he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
