This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
