this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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