i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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