Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
