Small penises have feelings too.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
