If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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