Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
