You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
