the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
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Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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