I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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