oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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