just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
