One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize