i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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