I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
