yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
