Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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