When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
