Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
