Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like death gave me a hand job
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
