My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
