508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
